2009 in Review

When I reflect on 2009, I think about....

-Not setting a resolution for the year but seeing old goals get met.

-Becoming friends with famous people.

-Seeing friends move away. (this is a sad one)

-Finally feeling grounded in a career.

-Realizing that the more you do in your dream job, the less you get to do what you really love.

-Music has become like a Bible (which is mostly not good).

-I used a restroom at Trinity Church in Boston. Yep.

-I saw 131 bands play live this year.

-I got better at preaching but worse at remembering all my notes when I get on stage.

-I wrote more. Nothing quite worthy of sharing, yet.

-Reading scripture about how God’s redeeming love is weaved in to everything. That’s just totally cool.

-I traveled a TON. Which was so needed and amazing.

-Became a fan of free trade stuff and my heart is opening to figure out ways to help people whether here, or abroad that can be changed by my ‘change.’

-Relationships were strengthened, others seemed to fade, and new ones were made.

-I got a macbook and it’s pink.

-Michael Jackson died. Epic fail.

-I lost a gall bladder and 30 pounds.

-Reading a few key books that I loved and inspired me. (The Voice, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, Angry Conversations With God).

-My hair was pink, purple, and black this year (with a bit of green-oops).

-I became a concert promotor and music critic.

-I smiled at a hot guy at the gym. (if you know me well, then you know this is a big deal).

-I met Donald Miller and acted like a goober.

-I ‘kinda’ had coffee with Robbie Seay. “if you’re like me you need hope, coffee, and melody.”

-This summer I went to the Atlantic, the Pacific, the ocean, the mountains, the hills, and the flatland. It was spectacular. And God showed up everywhere.

-Near death experience with a cell phone and Denver Airport.

-Realizing that most of my friends are in their 30’s or above. That weirds me out.

-Becoming friends with Vanilla Soy Milk.

Wow, big year.

I can only say that I’m blessed.

Yet, I hope that I was a blessing to others.

When you think about 2009, what stands out?

What blessings do you have?

What kinds of epic fails has God redeemed?

Fireflies and Songs

I didn't know about this album until two weeks ago. I can say that besides some Christmas music, Sara Groves "Fireflies and Songs" has been playing non stop in my world.

I like to listen to new albums a few times and then go back and really listen to the lyrics. I'm amazed. I'm also bummed that I didn't give it credit on my top albums of 2009. Luckily, it still made the top of the critics choice for Under the Radar. Listen to the latest episode here: radarradio.net.

You can also go to www.relevantmagazine.com/thedrop and listen to the full album.

It's worth your time to take a listen.

Here are the lyrics for "Different Kinds of Happy" from Sara Groves newest release.

go on and ask me anything
what do you need to know
I'm not holding on to anything
I'm not willing to let go of
to be free, to be free

I've got to ask you something
but please don't be afraid
there's a promise here thats heavier
than your answer might weigh
baby it's me, it's me

it's a sweet, sweet thing
standing here with you and nothing to hide
light shining down to our very insides
sharing our secrets, bearing our souls,
helping each other come clean

secrets and cyphers
there's no good way to hide
there's redemption in confession
and freedom in the light
I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid

better than our promises
is the day we got to keep them
I wish those two could see us now
they never would believe how
there are different kinds of happy
different kinds of happy
there are different kinds of happy
different kinds of happy

These Hard Times

Today I saw something when I was driving that made me sad.

And then this song came through the speakers.

"These Hard Times" by Needtobreathe

Give me something brighter
Give me something I can see
Give me something vicious
Give me something I can be
Give me all the love and peace
To end these wars
Give me something sacred
Something worth fighting for

It's clear enough to me
The ugliness I see
Is evidence of who I need

Give me an answer
Give me the way out
Give me the faith
To believe in these hard times

Give me motivation
Give me all my heart's desires
Show me something gorgeous
Show me 'til my eyes get tired
Give me all the drums and
Show me how to play them loud
Show me how to move
When I can't feel that you're around

It's clear enough to me
The ugliness I see
Is evidence of who I need

Give me the answer
Give me the way out
Give me the faith
To believe in these hard times

We hide like thieves in shadows
Scared of the sun
'Cause we know the light will find us
Us and all we've done

Give me an answer
Give me a way out
Give me the faith
To believe in these hard times

Give me the faith to believe in these hard times

Top 10's of 2009

Recently I was asked to be a music critic and contribute my top 10 albums and top 10 songs of 2009 to Under The Radar radio. (www.radarradio.net). So, here's my choices.

My top 10 albums and songs of 2009.

Overall, the key word in 2009 was “hope.” It’s not without notice that many of the albums and songs on my list made their way to the top because this year we’ve needed to be reminded of God’s hope.

Top 10 Albums of 2009

1. Needtobreathe “The Outsiders”

There is no way that you’ve lived through 2009 without listening to “The Outsiders”. It’s the top of my list for a reason. It’s not just music, it’s an experience. You want to hold on to the lyrics, hug them, and never let go.

2. Jars of Clay “The Long Fall Back to Earth”

I’ve had my share of criticism for Jars in the past but this album is fresh. It seems that the band reinvents themselves with each album, and I hope this version sticks around. More grown up and having some life perspective, Jars has put together an album that tops my list of all of Jars’ previous work.

3. David Crowder Band “Church Music”

After the first time hearing “Church Music,” I sent a text to several friends: “We will no longer be friends if you do NOT pick up Church Music.” And I was serious. It’s as if DC*B has a pulse on my heart, on my relationship with God, and knows the words that I want to worship with. DC*B put hours and hours of time on this album and the payoff is worth it. Many people are not a fan of this album, but I think it’s genius.

4. Abandon “Searchlights”

A brand new band that is just starting to get noticed, “Searchlights” is a masterpiece. For their debut album, I’m not sure where they can go from here. The lyrics speak truth to this generation,and their love for God and desire for people to know His Hope, is the common thread in each song.

5. Lanae Hale “Back and Forth”

Here’s a cd for all the girls. I came across this album and it immediately became my coffee shop mix. It’s a cd for those days when you just need a song to define your emotions and thoughts. “Quiet Place” should top your ‘need some time with God’ playlist.

6. The Fray “The Fray”

Every time I listen to the self-titled release from The Fray, I learn something new. Somedays I have no idea what the lyrics mean, and other days they define me. While it may not be as good as their first release, this album is underrated and gets lost in the mix. Listen as if you never knew “How to Save a Life” ever got released, then it will make your top 10 too.

7. Switchfoot “Hello Hurricane”

As with all previous Switchfoot albums, “Hello Hurricane” requires you a few listens before you fall in love. But there comes a point about the third or fourth time through that hooks you. Jon Foreman and the Switchfoot crew brings hope through music and I’m in love.

8.Owl City “Ocean Eyes”

There is no doubt that 2009 was a very good year for Adam Young. I’m one of those annoying people that reminds all the teens that Owl City was cool before they hit number one on iTunes. I’m also the one to remind them that Adam Young is a Christian. While others may criticize his “everyday” lyrics of life, I’m refreshed to know that we don’t always have to sing about God and still love Him.

9. Skillet “Awake”

There are only a few cds that I don’t care if people hear me sing along to in my car. Skillet’s “Awake” is one of those. It begs to be played loud. It begs for you to sing at the top of your lungs with passion. Skillet makes things like guy-liner cool for any teen guy and being a girl drummer a possibility. “Awake” is encouraging. It’s filled with hope. It requires you to see Skillet live.

10. Fiction Family “Fiction Family”

From the collaboration of Sean Watkins and Jon Foreman comes an album of grassroots proportions. I am in love with this album because it’s refreshing and fun while at the same time being deep and spiritual. Watkins and Foreman have a way of taking their hearts and burdens and giving us a musical hopefulness to life.

Top 10 Songs of 2009

1. “Anchor” by Satellites and Sirens

Friends, faith, and hope anchor us down. “Anchor” can be a worship song. “Anchor” can be a song dedicated to friends. It’s one of those songs that reminds you of the things that really matter in life. Satellites and Sirens is a band to watch for in 2010. “Anchor” along with their other songs gets us all dancing and thinking about life and relationships.

2. “How He Loves” by David Crowder Band

In my narcissistic world, sometimes I just need to be reminded that God loves me. And that if ‘his grace is an ocean, we’d all drown.’

3. “Hold On” by Abandon

As a youth pastor, this is my plea for students. I share the hope that Abandon does in this song about holding on in life, on keeping hope the thing that keeps us alive.

4. “Hope Now” by Addison Road

Hope is the buzzword this year in Christian music. “Hope Now” makes my list because of the message. It the current state of the economy, this song reminds us of what really matters. It’s my prayer for our people.

5. “God of this City” by Bluetree

While good things are happening in our churches, in our communities, there is still more to be done and this song is a reminder and prayer for God to continue to move in our cities.

6. “Backfire” by MuteMath

You can’t get away from a top 10 list without mentioning MuteMath. My personal favorite off of the new “Armistice” album is “Backfire.” It’s fun, funky, and true MuteMath.

7. “Scenic Route” by Jars of Clay

This is a personal favorite of mine. I did a lot of traveling this past summer with friends, co-workers, students, and a retreat with just me and God. “Scenic Route” was my theme song. It’s about relationships and taking the scenic route in making things work. I found that while traveling, I was doing a lot of relationship building, fixing, and creating.

8. “Miracle” by Robbie Seay Band

“Miracle” is a refreshing new song by Robbie Seay lifts the spirits and reminds us of keeping hope alive that God can move. The Robbie Seay Band pens lyrics that you just have to write in your journal. “When life doesn’t seem to make sense at all, I know You hear me when I call.”

9. “Something Beautiful” Needtobreathe

This summer I made it to the Atlantic Ocean, the Pacific Ocean, the mountaintops, and the woods. “Something Beautiful” sums up the places God met me in the world. Each of those places reminded me that God is something beautiful, that he is showing his glory, and this song has been my prayer.

10. “Dance or Die” by Family Force 5

Family Force 5 is my weakness. I absolutely love this crew of crazy guys and their catchy songs. “Dance or Die” is my default song. Whenever I need something playing in the background, this one’s it. You can’t help but dance as you put your laundry away.

my own hope, coffee, and melody...

Last night we had the Robbie Seay Band play in The Underground.

What a great night! I begged Robbie to play "New Day" which is my absolute favorite song. My blog is titled after a few of the lyrics in the song.

But there was another song that night that got my attention. It will be on the new record in March. Here are the lyrics:

There is a Call by The Robbie Seay Band:

There is a love, a love,

and the love breaks through from above,

for all your pain, it is enough,

there is a love, a love, a love.

There is a sign,

There is a sign,

That will tell you you’ll always be blind,

Healing the blind, You will shine,

There is a sign, a sign, a sign.

There is a peace,

There is a peace,

And the whole world longs to be free,

And with my own eyes I will see,

There is a peace, a peace, a peace.

There is a love, a love,

and the love breaks through from above,

for all your pain, it is enough,

there is a love, a love, a love.

There is a call

I can hear it ringing from afar

and the hope is free to us all

There is a call, a call, a call

Beautiful

"Beautiful" by Phil Wickham

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You’re beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It’s all proclaiming who You are
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful

I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You’re beautiful, you're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing
You’re beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see Your face, You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

Dilemmas of an almost 30 year old.

My biggest decision of the day:

Deciding what color my new 2010 desk calendar should be. I carry it around with me all the time and this is a big decision.

It’s an even bigger decision when you are about to turn 30. See, when you’re 30, you need to not look like a teen anymore. So does the pink one make me look 18? What about the purple one? Should I just get the black one and be a boring 30 year old?

Ugh. Dilemmas of an almost 30 year old.

What color do you think I decided on?

About blogging...

Story

“Stories have power. They delight, enchant, touch, teach, recall, inspire, motivate, and challenge. They help us understand. They imprint a picture in our minds. Consequently, stories often pack more punch than sermons Jesus knew it. he called his stories parables.” --Janet Litherland

“Stories are the currency of human contact.” --Robert McKee

This past Wednesday I had the incredible opportunity to attend a conference called “Story.” Speakers included Ed Young, Donald Miller, Chris Seay, Nancy Beach, John Ortberg, Dave Gibbons, Mike Foster, and Stacy Spencer.

The purpose of the day was to recreate the telling of the gospel in new ways through the art of storytelling. Since I’ve been speaking more frequently and doing more writing, I thought for sure this would be a great opportunity to hear about the retelling of the gospel through story.

It was an incredible blessing for sure. I was able to go to this conference for free and learn a ridiculous amount of things that I will be processing for quite some time. I’ve included some of the great quotes from the day. I am encouraged, refreshed, and inspired as I learn how to better tell God’s story to others.

Ed Young:

Are we reaching people or herding ‘sheeple’? (in our attempts to bring the gospel to people-its about rescuing them one at a time).

Church work is “bruitiful.” Both brutal and beautiful.

How the story of gospel works through people--change, conflict, growth.

Dave Gibbons:

We all have a desire to connect. (our stories connect us)

The Holy Spirit is revealed in our weakness. There is liberation in our weakness-the Holy Spirit can start to move.

Ministry is not when you speak a story but when you listen to a story.

The revelation of brokenness reveals the Holy Spirit.

Chris Seay:

Our past affects our stories. Our family’s stories affect our story whether we want them to or not.

Facts will not save us--people don’t know the story of the gospel.

Thrive on mission, wither on proposition.

This yoke that I carry was created for me.

When we put on a yoke, we come to life.

We are tired because we are doing things the wrong way.

John Ortberg:

We live in a “Me” centered world. We try so hard to get others to listen to MY story.

We are part of a bigger story--that’s what our life are meant to be.

Shalom means- where things are the way God wants them to be.

Preaching the gospel means-speaking the truth the way things are.

Nancy Beach:

Is what we are doing (in preaching the gospel) truthfully and beautifully honoring to God?

Our purpose is to make audible the silence of the gospel.

Stacy Spencer:

Quoting someone else-- “No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Everybody has a story.....are we listening?

Tell a story so it doesn’t sound like a sermon.

Mike Foster:

We identify with failures and celebrate with successes.

What is our “struggle of now?”

Put our canvas of brokenness in front of God.

Donald Miller:

Success doesn’t tell a very compelling story.

Character is ONLY what the DO.

A character has to WANT something: it makes a good story.

Hope Now

We are starting a new series this weekend in The Underground called "In the time of hope." I'm really excited about this series and believe God will use it for His glory. While looking for songs to connect with our series, I remembered this one by Addison Road. It's called "Hope Now."

The lyrics are great.

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore

You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

Review of "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years"

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller

“Part of me wonders if our stories aren’t being stolen by the easy life.”

Donald Miller weaves an exposed heart through the pages of “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.” That exposure is what makes it real, honorable, and convicting.

Miller takes us on the journey that requires us to rethink our very own stories. What is your story? Are the things that are most important to you reflected in your story? What past experiences, future fears, or numbing everydayness creates your story? Where does God fit into your story?

Miller suggests our stories are stolen by the easy life. And this has been my story. About the same time I read this book, I was recovering from gall bladder surgery. The combination of surgery and this book has created the desire for a new story in my life to begin. A story that finds fulfillment in a God who loves me and desires me to do more than sit on a couch. A story that really shows what is important to me.

I have a warning about this book. Don’t read it if you want to stay living in your comfortable, stagnant world. Read it if you want a fresh way of looking at your life, the story it tells, and how God is in and through it. I’ve sent a copy to a friend this past week who’s story is being changed dramatically. I believe “A Million Miles” will inspire her, create beauty in a new story, and allow God to move in new ways.

Find your story in “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.”

In the End

Another great song by the guys of David Crowder*Band from their new release "Church Music."

Probably the best lyrics I've heard in quite a long time.

In the End (O Resplendent Light!)

In the end, when all of this is gone

And all that's living has moved on

The sun and moon will finally set

The wind will lay the seas to rest

In the end, in love our souls will rise

All the nations, all the sides

No fear in me for that dark place

For I will be in His embrace

In His shadow, there is peace

In His arms, there is rest

In His word, there is hope

In His hands, there is grace

In the end, no hurting

In the end, no more yearning

In the end, no suffering, no sadness or pain

In the end

'Til the end, when all of this is gone

And all that's living has moved on

The sun and moon will rise and set

The wind will bring the seas unrest

'Til the end, in love, our souls can rise

All the nations, all the sides

No fear in me for this dark place

For I am held in His embrace

'Til the end, there's hurting

'Til the end there's yearning

'Til the end there's suffering, here waiting

'Til the end

Our bodies die, but our souls will shine

Our bodies die, but our souls will rise

We were made to live forever

We were made to live forever

Eastern Hymn

The new David Crowder*Band album came out today. What a great cd that tells of the journey of love. Our love for God and His love for us.

Here's a few lines from "Eastern Hymn."

Bring us love

You, who are love

Bring us peace

You, who are peace

We need love

Oh, divine love

I am recommending you pick up the cd today. Or download it on itunes. You won't be sorry. You'll feel loved....and want to love back.

Listen to your body

I cannot tell you how many times people have said "listen to your body" this week. I am recovering (still) from a ridiculous surgery and hospital stay. (more on that later).

While being forced to listen to my body-which continues to say "rest" I thought of the fall.

It's officially Fall.

Officially by Amber's standards. By the rest of the world, that happens this Tuesday.

Here's how you know it's Fall:

1. Low 70 degree weather.

2. Being excited to wear one of the 30 sweatshirts that are in the closet.

3. Going to concerts that are indoors in more intimate venues rather at outdoor festivals with 20,000 people. (don't get me wrong, love the festivals too)

4. The itch to do something new, like join a new Bible Study, cut your hair, or get your gall bladder removed.

5. Halloween candy at Target. (Of which you can have none if you do one of the things in item number 4)

6. New CD's by great bands. (Skillet, Hawk Nelson, David Crowder, Needtobreathe, Switchfoot)

7. The end of concert rehab.

8. Pumpkin chocolate chip cookies.

9. Warm drinks from Starbucks.

10. Leaves.

11. Sun roofs open through Oct.31st.

12. New school or work supplies. (got the new Sharpie retractable pen today)

13. Reading books that inspire the start of new stories for the fall.

I'm reading Donald Miller's new book and will blog about it soon. I'm savoring the book, only reading a little bit each day. It's a treat, and I'm gonna make it last. Let me just say that at first, I wasn't a fan, but it's speaking volumes into my life. Let's just say the buzz word for me this fall will be "story."

What reminds you of fall??

Something Beautiful Summer

The other day I heard God.(which is very refreshing, because I haven’t heard Him in awhile).

He said, “I’ll do what it takes to get you back to the core of Me. Can’t you see, I’ve taken you to the mountaintops, to each side of the ocean, and to the open fields, what more do you need to see Me, to hear Me?”

And it was then that I realized what God had orchestrated all along. He has control, He has me in His arms, holding on tight. I needed to hear him, to see him.

If I don’t have eyes that are open, and ears trying to listen, I’d never find Him.

He’ll use what we give Him, in the space that we give Him and more. Whether it be a small space, he’ll blow the doors open, if it’s large, He’ll fill it.

I never expected this kind of summer to happen. Here I am at the end of it, with one trip left to go. It’s going to be something beautiful, just like all my other trips. In my next blog, I’ll hopefully be able to pay tribute to all the trips and what I’ve learned about God, myself, and life in general. I wrote alot in Colorado, and I hope to start sharing that on my blog. But it’s not quite ready.

There’s a new Needtobreathe song that was just released. It sums up this summer for me. Searching for God a.k.a. Something Beautiful. Download the song. The lyrics are great, but the song itself is a masterpiece.

Something Beautiful

In Your ocean i’m ankle deep

i feel the waves crashing on my feet

it’s like I know where i need to be

but I can’t figure out, I can’t figure out

just how much air i will need to breathe

when Your tide washes over me

there’s only one way to figure out

will you let me drown?

will you let me drown?

hey now this is my desire, consume me like a fire

cause i just want Something Beautiful to touch me

i know that i’m in reach

cause i am down on my knees

waiting for something beautiful

something beautiful

and the water is rising quick

and for years i was scared of it

we can’t be sure when it will subside

so i won’t leave Your side

no i can’t leave Your side

hey now this is my desire, consume me like a fire

cause i just want Something Beautiful to touch me

i know that i’m in reach

cause i am down on my knees

waiting for something beautiful

something beautiful

in a daydream i couldn’t live like this

i wouldn’t stop til i found

Something Beautiful

when i wake up

all I have is still not all i need

something beautiful

hey now this is my desire, consume me like a fire

cause i just want Something Beautiful to touch me

i know that i’m in reach

cause i am down on my knees

waiting for something beautiful

something beautiful

Wanting to go back...

To have a bad week after having a really good week is inevitable. It’s just going to happen. Every single time. It’s like when you are eating a really good meal and keep on eating, even though you know you will have heartburn later. And you do have heartburn and say “woe is me” and forget how great it was in the moment when you were eating that wonderful meal. The bad week takes over and you forget the moments that were really good in that other week. It gets overtaken by the “woe is me” of this week. The grace and the laughter of last week, now lives deep in your soul only to be taken over by grief and sadness, and the loss of whatever that was. And then you stay there. In that despair, because you can never get that week back. And you try with all your might to bring it back, to recreate it, and it can’t never happen.

So you recall memories and look at the pictures. You tell others about that week and then hope that they can get a small glimpse of what you experienced. But it’s never really quite the same when you talk about that one time. It takes you back, but then quickly fades. You sleep it off and hope to remember what it was, and the energy that it brought you. It’s in that good week that reminds you of who you are, reminds you that you’re a part of the bigger picture, that time can stop, and it did, on that week.

The ‘next week syndrome’ can trail on for several weeks and can keep you in a rearview mirror-like state. Instead of looking ahead, you continue to look back. And it’s when you look back that you miss what’s coming up. You want to keep looking back because you want to honor what it was, you want to bring it back from the dead, you want to memorialize it. You feel like you are offending it because you move on.

But it’s ok. Bring up the memories every once and awhile, but move on. It’s ok.

Hope says that a better week is coming. We just have to keep our eyes open and look ahead.

Chandeliers and Track Lighting: Check your reality at the door

In order to get inspired for writing today, I went with Andrea to a local coffee shop in downtown Breck. Imagine what you would find in a local coffee shop in the mountains and throw that out with your used coffee grounds.

The Crown seems like a cool joint, and perhaps my dashed expectations are the only thing that make this place weird, out of place, and just plain weird.

The Crown is a local coffee, ice cream, alcohol dive. Standing in line at the dark wood, stain glassed bar, the person in front of me orders two Coronas. Another orders a ham sandwich, another some chocolate milk, and me... I order a vanilla latte of course.

The Crown is a deli, bakery, a smoothie making joint.

Speaking of joint...

It’s now that Andrea and I look at each other and notice a smell. “Is that marijuana?”

No, it’s just that ham sandwich that’s burning in the back.

This place is confused. It’s a living identity crisis in the form of a coffee shop.

I’m sitting on a worn in dark green comfy chair next to a fireplace that holds a jeweled crown....the essence of this place. The crown itself is out of place, missing most of it’s jewels, gold, and has one fake diamond on the front. Classy.

Above the fireplace: A tiffany lamp. Across from the tiffany lamp: a chandelier and track lighting. Anyone else weirded out?

Why does everyone else in this place seem like this is normal? We are the only ones who seem to be put out by all the randomness?

Let’s not forget the christmas lights bordering the front door as you enter.

And near the back door I found a mutt. Sitting there waiting for scraps.

This place is like a dream.The longer we are here, the better it gets. I fully expect a clown to walk in and order a jack and coke with his biscotti.

Oh, but no.. a granola cowboy in tight jeans with an incredible mustache walks in instead.

This IS a dream. I keep taking pictures because I want to be able to look back and truly know that this place is real.

It’s magical. At this point it’s not hard to imagine a troll with spiky orange hair sitting on a lounge chair reading a self help book in the corner.

“Don’t stop believing” and other various 80’s songs play through the speakers on the painted stone wall.

I don’t want to stop believing in this place. Perhaps a hot guy with a pet unicorn will walk in and sweep me off my feet. And I’d be ok with that.

I’m refreshingly ok with this place. It’s a dream world that I’ll come to often, as long as I leave reality at the door.

And now.. “Eye of the Tiger” is playing... are you surprised?

Death by Cell Phone

I had a near death experience yesterday.

At the Denver Airport they have captured the essence of Colorado by designing a roof that mimics it’s mountain peaks out of canvas. They are close to three stories high and from the inside it looks as if you are under the big top at a carnival. As I was walking to baggage claim, I noticed that workers were cleaning the top of the canvas and had put out construction tape around the area. I glanced up and remember thinking how high they are and how there is no way I’d ever go up that high to clean the top of a mountain top made out of canvas. I continued on past the construction zone when all of the sudden I heard a “BANG.” I froze. And slowly turned around. On the floor was a blackberry in a million pieces....right next to my foot.

At first I thought someone had dropped it right behind me or beside me.

But no, the cell phone came from 3 stories above with a velocity that I can’t even calculate.

I stood in my tracks staring at the blackberry battery and trying to figure out what had just happened. It didn’t occurred to me until hours later (in the middle of the night) that I could have died by cell phone. Had that brick of a blackberry dropped a few inches to the left, I’d either have an incredible headache right now, or be hanging out with Jesus.

I believe that I was in shock for awhile afterwards. Immediately after looking at the obliterated blackberry, I continued walking to baggage claim. I could have put up a big stink, folded in fetal position thinking of what could have been. But no, I stepped over the pieces and kept going.

I am out in the mountains of Colorado, seeking refuge, rest, and to reconnect with God.

I’ve been waiting for the phone call from Heaven on this trip, wanting to hear His voice, but I honestly never thought He’d literally drop a phone by my feet.

I hope I don’t just step over the phone and keep going, but stop,pick it up and say hello.

Swim, lumber, rest.

A quote from Anne Lamott's book "Grace (Eventually)"

Monk seals swim ashore in Hawaii to rest on the sand. The adult seals are six and seven feet long and they all look like Charles Laughton. The newest tourists on the beach think they are dying and need to be rescued but anyone who has been there even a day knows that they come onshore to rest. Pool workers from the beachside resort always arrive, with yellow safety tape and traffic cones, to rope off a space for the seals to rest in. The first time I came upon one in the sand, I thought it was trying to make eye contact with me--I was it’s last best hope of being saved. It had sand around its eyes and lots of shark scars. My guy Rory, who surfs in Hawaii every year, laughed and explained that the seals are perfectly fine, and when they are rested, they waddle back to the ocean.

This is how I feel about the world much of the time, when I am not feeling too far gone: things are how they are supposed to be, all evidence to the contrary. Life swims, lumbers across the sand, rests: lumbers, swims, rests.

We are Sinking

New Crowder Song.

Amazing.

"How He Loves"

He is jealous for me

loves like a hurricane

i am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy

when all of a sudden i am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

and i realized just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me

and oh how He loves us

oh how He loves us

how He loves us

and we are His portion and He is our prize

drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes

if His grace is an ocean we're all sinking

and heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss

and my heart turns violently inside of my chest

i don't have time to maintain these regrets when i think about the way...

oh how He loves us

how He loves us oh

Stars and Discipleship

I've been at camp all week with 8th graders. This is the week where everything that they have learned about their faith comes to a point, where faith becomes their own, where we hope God goes from the head to the heart.

What is even cooler about this week is that I have high school students who beg to come with as helpers. So this year, we have four (two guys, two girls). They have been great. And I'm with them 24-7.

We learn in school about how to do youth ministry, how to disciple them via Starbucks, how to plan Bible studies, and mission trips. But no one teaches you that relationships are being built, faith is being developed, and questions get answered under the stars or while sitting on the bunks at night, or while putting on your makeup together in the bathroom.

Tonight we had a "service of call" where we did an affirmation of baptism and gave each students the results from a spiritual gifts test. I did the closest thing to a Lutheran altar call (without being to Baptist-ish). It was a great night.

Afterwards, as we were walking back, the high school helpers asked if we could go and sit under the stars.

So, we trekked out into the middle of the field with blankets and bug spray.

Stories began about past youth trips, camps we've gone to, things we've done. It was a great night, everyone was laughing. Questions about love, questions about God, memories of faith being created. I was in the middle of the field, in the middle of my students, recalling life, God, and memories.

As I sat there, I thought about how Jesus discipled his clan of misfit guys.

I'm sure it looked a lot like tonight, sitting under the stars, getting bit by bugs, laughing at stories of the past, and asking questions of faith.

(Getting a few bug bites is totally worth it by the way.)

Put the Drumbeat back in my Heart

This guy’s got passion. I’ve got passion too. It’s just been hiding. I suppose it’s there, underneath a lot of layers.

Speakers the size of bus couldn’t break through the silence.

Sound that reached miles couldn’t penetrate my heart.

There’s been something going on my heart for the last few months and I haven’t been able to pinpoint it, but I can tell you that there’s been a lot of silence.

It’s probably a good place to be at, and please don’t freak out for me... I’m just trying to find God in a more intimate place.

I was hoping that the silence would break at Ichthus, among all the loud noise, and the music would come back to my heart.

The music has come back, but it’s very faint. It’s there in the background, and it’s quiet. I’m ok with that. At least I know it’s there.

It’s not as muted, not as distant or far off.

And I have to be ok with that.

I’ve said it a million times before. But it needs to be said again. This past year was the hardest time in my life. It was also the greatest time. My heart grew, got chopped in half, grew again, and so on... It’s one of those things that you don’t realize until afterwards how bad it was OR how good it was. I think that God protects us a bit by using shock to help us get through things. It’s not until afterwards that we realize how good or bad it really was.

And I’m still trying to find the sound.

“Heartbeat” by Remedy Drive

This is a drought, living without the one thing I require.

What a mess, passionless, somewhere I lost the fire.

Where has it gone? Can anybody turn this beat back on?

My heart is fast asleep, dreaming it could bleed

for something that is real, my desperate appeal.

God I am getting tired of the way I feel when I would rather be alive.

I wanna wake up, I want a restart, put the drumbeat back in my heart.

I need to be revived....bring be back to life.

Coming on slow, head to toe, the pulse is back again

Grace in my veins replacing the pain bringing me back from the dead

Now I can see, you heard me cry emergency

Screaming out for help, you save me from myself

the fire’s returned, I’m letting it burn

There’s nothing better than in the whole wide world

It feels so good to be alive

I wanna wake up, I want a restart, put the drumbeat back in my heart.

I need to be revived....bring be back to life.

It feels so good to be alive

Bring me back to life....

I get the amazing opportunity to go and find that drumbeat.

I’ll be heading to Colorado for 10 days. I’m only with people for 3 of those days. The other 7 I get to hang with a dog, my macbook, and my bible.

I’m excited, scared, hopeful, and longing to spend some time with God. I hope He shows up.

Ichthus '09

Things I never expected from my Ichthus weekend:

1. I saw a band 2 times during the weekend, and once a month ago. It took seeing the band 3 times before deciding I am a fan. (Remedy Drive)
2. Bands with the word “hero” seem to be a new trend. (there were 4 at Ichthus)
3. College students are independent and fun to hang out with.
4. Revolutions can’t be planned and you can be sure that control and religion will squash any revolution from happening. (Delirious)
5. Reconnecting with an old friend. And finding out that he’s married... to a fan from Cornerstone.
6. Fatty being incredibly animated on stage. And praying. HOT WAFFLE!
7. I have a love/hate relationship with Fireflight and tattoos.
8. I might be getting to old to push my way through 20,000 to see Family Force 5.
9. I might have been a little mean to the short girl behind me that I wouldn’t let in front of me for my favorite band.
10. Pyro makes Skillet sound better.
11. Sanctus Real: great.
12. I think Ichthus might become a habit...and I’m totally ok with that.

Songs that I thought were amazing live/connected with:

1. Stand Up by Remedy Drive
2. Hold On by Abandon
3. From the Inside Out by All Star Band
4. Hosanna by All Star Band
5. We Need Each Other by Sanctus Real
6. I’m Not Alright by Sanctus Real
7. Hope by Remedy Drive
8. Fever by Family Force 5
9. You Never Let Go by some random worship band
10. Oh How He Loves me by some random worship band

Best quotes:

1. Christine: “Will you marry me?” Chappy: “I would if I didn’t already have THIS.” (referring to wedding ring)
2. Amber: “I’m looking for a man between the ages of 27-35.” Anna: “Me too!”
3. Justin Lookadoo: “The fruit of the spirit is how we see our salvation becoming real.”
4. Joe: “Yeah, I’m excited to go back to Cornerstone, that’s where I met my wife.”
5. “Come into the real estate of our hearts, you can have the beach front properties and my heart.”
6. “Darkness must proceed the dawn, wait with me love, til the sunrise.” Daylight by Remedy Drive

Maybe before the 9th of June

There is an episode of Friends that I saw the other night. It’s the one where Rachel turns 30. She talks about her life and relationship plan. Her expectations were to have been married with children at 30, but life turned out differently. So she planned ahead and did some math on when she wanted children, how many years she wanted to be married before having kids, and when she wanted to get married. But what she found in her life plan is that she should have met her future husband yesterday. Oops. 

I can’t speak for everyone, but I can relate to Rachel in her plight to plan ahead. It’d be so neat if everything could go according to plan. But life gets in the way, and better yet, God gets in the way. I’m all about the will of God, but could it fit into my schedule please? 

Anyway, I write this on June 9th, because I always think of this one Polarboy song on this specific day. 

One Bad Date

Push with all your might to fight those feelings back inside

you gotta get through the night

Leave your heart behind, for some other guy to find

Guard your mind

Across the table a fox wonders if he’s able to get you home tonight

Like a rabbit you run from the obvious to come, you run

What do you have?

No conversation and the coffee is the bad

I know I’ll look back at this and laugh, for now I won’t

Please not this again, how long can one girl listen to just one man?

All that he speaks of is his long lost past time love, whoever she was.

Soon, it will be over soon, before the 9th of June, soon.

Wonder why I have none of the fishes in the sea, I can’t find one.

Push with all your might, to fight those feelings back inside, you gotta get through the night.

I love that Pol (lead singer) specifies a day that he’d like to get one of the fishes in the sea. I’m sure it was just a rhyming date that fit, but it is so true to how I can get when it comes to planning the future. 

Anyway, that's it. It's June 9th.  And this post is as random as it gets.