True Confessions: I have a daughter.

I have a daughter.

Ok, so I’ve officially freaked you out.. and my mom.

Let me be clear. I don’t have a biological daughter. I have a sponsored daughter. She is 5 and lives in Kenya. Her name is Jedidiah.

For several weeks I’ve been trying to figure out what the phrase “love like it cost you something” really means. How is my life different because I love others? How is my life just a little bit less comfortable because I’m giving comfort to others instead? I’ve always managed to find some excuse, or justification for the ways I currently give. But to be honest, I haven’t really given much outside of my comfort zone. Give= money, time, talent. I rarely share costly love with others that need it. A little here and there, but never something that I’ve really been uncomfortable with.

Granted, I have a job that is one that cultivates a love of God in students lives, therefore it’s an act of service, but I do it because I love to do it and am called. When was the last time I loved on others and it was difficult, or not self serving, or... just because I was called?

But recently that still small voice has been speaking to me and tonight, that voice yelled big. I was in a small group and we read from 1 John.

“This is how we’ve come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and no just be out for ourselves. If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God’s love? It disappears. And you made it disappear.” - 1 John 3.

Yikes. This hit me hard. It was a reminder to me, a question, a plea... am I living sacrificially for others? Am I helping my brother or sister when I have the means to do so? And if I’m not, do I realize that I’m making God’s love disappear?? YIKES.

For some time, I’ve been wanting to sponsor a child through Compassion International. Nearly 90 percent of the Christian concerts I go to offer a time for concertgoers to sponsor a kid. I have always felt that (for me) that was an emotional decision based on a video, rarely about the child or my faith, and more about the free artist cd or tshirt that came with the sign up. So I have always refused to donate at a show. (I don't diss those who have done this, it just never connected for me).

But, alas, I’ve been wanting to sponsor a child. It’s $38 a month, and to be honest, my budget is especially tight now that I’ve moved in to an apartment (which I’m sure this also freaks out my mom). So I realize it’s a challenge but I could give up a few of the things in my month that make me feel “comfortable” in order to bring comfort to Jedidiah. And not just comfort. Life. Food. Water. Schooling. Jesus.

As I left small group, I knew that I needed to take the plunge. We’ve sponsored a child with our youth group, but this time I wanted to do it for myself.

So I went online, knowing that Kenya was on my heart, clicked on the profiles, and Jedidiah was there.

I knew she was the one.

Jedidiah means “loved by God.” It’s one of my favorite words.

So now I have a child. Her name is Jedidiah and she is 5. While this love doesn’t cost ME everything, it gives HER everything.

More than that, I don’t want to just sponsor Jedidiah and consider my “love like it cost something” checked off the spiritual list. I realize that this love is in everything I do, in my attitude, in my decisions, in my work, in my home, in my driving (eww), in it all.

I hope this is a start of figuring out how to love like it cost something because it cost Jesus everything. We never owe God anything, but I surely desire to honor Him by how I let love change me... change Jedidiah... change others.

*Note- I only post this as an opportunity of accountability. Please let me know when I'm not loving others (or you) like it cost me something.

*Also- Dear Mom, sorry if I gave you a heart attack about the me having a daughter thing. I promise someday I'll be a real mom and let you babysit for free.

Lent: Red Birds and Wildflowers

With its branches reaching up to my 5th floor apartment window, an old tree rests. This morning a red bird sat on one of the high branches in my eyesight.

While this may seem normal and forgettable to you, red birds remind me of my grandma. She loved red birds; they were all over her house. Not real one’s of course (she wasn’t Cinderella) but she had red bird plates, red bird pictures, red bird dust collectors, red bird beanie babies. Now, don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t obsessed but she had at least one red bird in each room. After she passed away, my aunt packed up her house, sold many items, and distributed her red birds to each of the family members. I still have my red bird, perched near a picture of my grandma and I the last time I saw her.

We all have relics. We all have little reminders that take us straight back to the past, something that moves our eyes to the rearview mirror. It’s not everyday, but many days when something or someone, a phrase or even a scent that reminds us of good days, of people, of happiness or even sadness.

Today I’m reminded of roots. I’m reminded to take things slowly, to appreciate the little gifts of reminders that God gives me. Today it was a red bird in a tree who sat for a few minutes and then flew off to dance with the wind.

But today, I’m also reminded of wildflowers.

Today as I continue my Lenten discipline (reading a devotional, connecting with scripture, and drawing) I landed on James 1. Here’s what stood out to me today:

“Prosperity is as short-lived as a wildflower, so don’t ever count on it. you know that as soon as the sun rises, pouring down its scorching heat, the flower withers. Its petals wilt and, before you know it, that beautiful face is a barren stem. Well, that’s a picture of the prosperous life. At the very moment everyone is looking on in admiration, it fades away to nothing. Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyalty in love with God, the rewards is life and more life.” -James 1 (Message Version)

Here’s my picture that I drew today based on this reading:

I drew myself watering the wildflower for a few reasons. James is using a wildflower to represent prosperity. Our own selfish prosperity will fade, and the only thing worthy of working towards is the prosperity of serving God and his will. I am watering this flower not of my own prosperity but out of service to God. It’s quite obvious that our church is going through a time of redirecting prosperity from an inward perspective to an outward, service oriented true love of God prosperity. I’ve seen us grow in many ways, and while some things have withered and fallen, we, as God’s people, can water the flower in hopes that He can redeem it and bring new life.

It’s the second part of that passage that reminds me that if we truly face the challenges head-on, with a selfless purpose, God can be honored and we will receive life...and more life (eternal life).

Today, may you look to the prosperity of God, face challenges head-on, and see those tiny little relics as reminders of the goodness of our Lord.

Lent...so far.

I woke up to hear the news of the Japan earthquake and tsunami. We won’t know the full damage of this natural disaster for some time, but it’s obvious this one is big. It’s hard to imagine what the Japanese people are feeling right now. I’m sure fear and sadness top the list. Their put-together planned lives are suddenly uprooted. Uncertainty replaces a sense of control and order.

After seeing the news I went into my prayer room to continue my Lent Discipline (see below for details). I opened my “What’s Next God?” Lent devotional, and today’s reading is about... earthquakes.

Yikes. Really.

The devotional asks us to answer the question “What has shaken your world recently both literally and figuratively?”

If we’re being really honest, each of us can come up with a few things that have shaken our worlds. Whether small or big, they are our own life-shaking earthquakes that split our plans in two, leaving a giant gap in the middle for us to forge through. Whether a relationship split, a recent death in the family, job loss, or change in health, change can be scary. It can feel like the earth below you that was once sturdy and safe become shaken and torn apart. And those are just the big earthquakes. After the dust has settled, aftershocks of smaller magnitude can leave us just as frazzled and fearful.

How do we do this journey of life without bracing ourselves at every turn? How do we really rely on God to “rescue us from the earthquakes” (Psalm 60:5)? And what does rescue look like? I think rescue comes when we let go. We’ve all heard that phrase but what does it really mean? How do we let go without losing perspective or being charged with lack of responsibility? Letting go means we sacrifice something, mostly our control, our plans, our way of getting out of the rubble.

Lent = letting go.

I think Lent is about that letting go. It’s about the process of being rescued so that we may take others on the same journey. I think Lent is about the journey. A journey back to remembering Jesus and his sacrifice. A journey back to putting God at the center of our lives that we’ve spent the last year planning and putting order to. Lent is a time to allow the cracks and earthquakes in and to let God shake things up in our lives, so that He can put them back together in a way that fits.

We’ve tried so hard to fill in the cracks, to rebuild something that only God can do. It’s only fitting that today that while we pray for Japan we also pray that God will come and enter into our lives and rescue us from the earthquakes within.

May we let go so that God can come and do the rescuing.

**Lent Discipline:

For Lent I have given up time doing meaningless things and adding time with God. I’m spending time in my new prayer room. I just moved into my new apartment and I have a spare bedroom. I have set up several stations... and one of them is my desk with 48 Sharpies (yes, I’m a Sharpie Princess). Anyway, my discipline begins by reading a devotional that our AYhigh students are reading. It’s called “What’s Next, God?” (you can pick up a copy at the church for free!) I read and then I open my Bible to the scripture passages that the devotional references. After I read, I draw. Here are my first three drawings, one for each day of Lent so far. Don’t make fun of my poor art skills, however. I’m going to blog about my drawings soon, but I’m waiting to see what else comes up.

And because I love music...

My Lent Soundtrack: (so far)

“O Great Love” by Robbie Seay Band

“Shadows” by David Crowder Band

“Love is Here” by Tenth Avenue North

“Banner of Love” by Luminate

“Manifesto” by The City Harmonic

“Sometimes” by David Crowder Band

“All Things” by Aaron Gillespie

“Land or Sea” by Sleeping at Last

Lent: Open Hands and Open Heart

We just returned from our youth ministry winter retreat. Our topic was “It’s not about me.” The theme continues when we talk about the upcoming Lent season. This 40 day season is not about us but about a reconnection and spiritual longing for God. This is a great time to allow God to enter in to our lives in a unique way.

Are you willing to give God a chance? Are you open to allowing God to actively enter in to your life for 40 days? We say yes and our hands are out, but sometimes they aren’t open. I believe in order to make Lent a season of true connection, we must have open hands and open hearts, allowing God to enter into the busy worlds.

“I’m so excited to give up chocolate for Lent, maybe I’ll lose a few pounds.”

“We’re going to add family time as our Lent discipline this year.”

“I’m going to monitor my television time, so that I can do a few projects around the house with my extra time.”

I’ve heard these comments about what people are “giving up” for Lent. It’s important that our intentions are pure to remember “it’s not about me.” If we are truly willing to allow God to transform us during this Lent season, we must be willing to ask Him the question “What am I willing to give up and/or add for the next 40 days so that I can grow closer to you, God?

So, this season, we pray you truly thirst for God that your hands and heart is open to allowing Him to enter in. Picking a discipline and sticking to it is difficult. Here are some tips. Join us this Sunday at the X Service and write your discipline on our design element as a reminder to yourself and to encourage others as we are in this season together.

How to choose a Lent discipline:

--What are the first few things that came to mind? Write these down. Is there something that you could give up for 40 days in order to have a “thirst for God” rather than a “thirst for this item?”

--What is something that will lift up Jesus... and not ourselves? What is God serving not self-serving that you could sacrifice as a reminder of the sacrifice Jesus made for us?

--Pray and ask God to show you a way to be disciplined to spend time with God.

How to make the discipline worth it:

--I personally believe Lent is a time not just to give up something, but to add something in it’s place. That “something” should include:

-- Time for prayer (conversation with God)

-- Reading a devotional or spending time in Scripture

--Accountability: Tell someone who shares the same values about your discipline. Ask them to hold you accountable. And talk about it with them. They might be able to share some insight!

--Attend worship services each Sunday, using it as anchor and refocus to what you’ve been doing throughout the week with your discipline.

--Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you miss a day or mess up, just start over fresh the next day.

With our hands and heart open, I know God will enter in. Be open to hearing his voice, to remembering his sacrifice, and to truly honor and worship Him in the way we live these next 40 days.

What are you giving up and adding this Lent season? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I’ll be blogging about my Lent discipline, stay tuned!

Don’t forget, tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. Mark the start of your Lent discipline by going to the 7pm service.

Hope to see you there!