World, I've Overcome You

The other day a 9 year old sealed my legacy...

She was with her grandma driving past a Starbucks and said “Grandma, I bet Amber is there, because she LOVES coffee.”

My legacy... via a 9 year old.

I can’t help but think of what our legacy will be. In the past few weeks I’ve had so many conversations about death. About people who’s loved ones, friends, and classmates have passed away. Two students from our local high school, a grandpa of a church family, a best friend of a dad, a brother of a friend.

The common thread in all of the conversations I’ve had comes the qualities and memories of the loved ones passed. A remembrance of their legacy, of who they were and what they stood for.

It makes me wonder what we’re living for. It makes me think about the fact that God created us to worship him. And will I be remembered for that? Will our legacy be filled with temporary, earthly loves or mostly about how we lived for Jesus?

I don’t know about you, but I find it hard to have a balance between the temporary and the eternal. Ya know? I love Apple products, music, coffee, Facebook, and Jimmy Johns (I’m hungry).

But, at the end of the day, if I really think about it, these temporary things are just that... temporary. They do not fulfill me. I’m always looking for the next big thing or the better upgrade, or the newest song.

And so I’ve been stuck. Stuck in the inbetween of balancing the temporary with the eternal. Stuck in the idea that my legacy is wrapped up in things like singleness, meaningless facebook statuses, and Starbucks. So, I’m working on changing that legacy. While I don’t think it’s bad, I’ll try really hard to make it more about Jesus and His grace through my life, rather than of the goal for temporary things.

John Mark McMillan has a line that I can’t seem to get out of my head.. “World, I’ve overcome you.” This is from his song “Ten Thousand.” I think about songs like this that remind me that really at the end of life, I’d love to be able to say that I’ve overcome the world, it’s temporary fixes, and lived a life that honored God and loved people.

Beginnings...Endings...Middle.

I woke up this morning thinking that today was a blog worthy day. I thought “I should write something. It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything worthy of sharing.”

Typically I start by reading something which sparks a thought, or reminds me of what I was thinking about on my drive home, or a conversation I had... or one I wanted to have. And then I write. Most of which is not worthy of ever being read by anyone...

And today there was not much. But, my heart attached to these few paragraphs in “Bittersweet” by Shauna Niequist. I’ve blogged about her book before and shared/stole/borrowed her words. Today is no different. I’ve been milking this book for quite awhile. It’s just one of those books I don’t want to finish, I mourn the end. It’s my coffee reading, not end-of-the-night-fall-asleep-to-it-reading. I save it for special days. And read slowly.

This connected today:

From the chapter “The Middle”

“You don’t know what the story is about when you’re in the middle of it. You think you do, but you don’t. You make up all kinds of possible story lines: this is about growing up. Or this is about living without fear. You can guess all you want, but you don’t know. All you can do is keep walking.”

“There is nothing worse than being in the middle. At the beginning, you have a little arrogance, loads of buoyancy. The journey, whatever it is, looks beautiful and bright, and you are filled with resolve and silver strength, sure that whatever the future holds, you will face it with optimism and chutzpah. It’s like the first day of school, and you’re wearing the outfit you laid out last night, backpack full of perfectly sharpened yellow pencils.”

“And then the end is beautiful. You are wiser, better, deeper. You know things you didn’t previously know, you’re shed things you previously clung to. The end is revelation, resolution, a soft place to land.”

Aren’t we always in the middle of something, at the end of something, at the beginning of something?

I tend to look at life in seasons, and this is another way of looking at where my life is right now. There are a few beginnings, a couple endings, but mostly I’m living in the middle.

I’m thankful for new beginnings, for things that tie up in a nice bow, and for the the things that keep me in the middle. I’m thankful for things that come to an ending, for the push to make new beginnings, for the wisdom that hopefully comes by living in the middle.

I love that God keeps us in all three at the same time.

Beginnings are like God’s grace....

Endings are a reminder that He’s in control...

The middle reminds us to trust in Him...

What in your life is beginning? What is ending? In what things are you living fully in the middle of?

Busy, Bitter, and But

This past week I have felt the prayers of the people. There’s been many church members who are praying for Alleluia, the staff, and the congregation. I have felt those prayers. And I am thankful. There have been several scripture passages, song lyrics, book quotes, and conversations that have reminded me of God’s promises.

This morning I was reading and journaling about a few things this past week that I’ve been learning. Then these three words came to the forefront of my heart: busy, bitter, and but.

These are the excuses for life. We are too busy, too bitter, and we like to justify life with the word “but.”

Busy

I suffer from being too busy and at the same time too lazy. I know this sounds weird and that’s ok. I’m a weird person. But in all honesty, we might all be like this. Too busy at work and too lazy at home. Or perhaps it’s the opposite, too lazy at work and too busy at home. Either way it’s not good. We are not called to be either. In fact, scripture tells us that lazy is sinful. But then again, so is busy.

Perhaps we are busy with things that aren’t from God. I don’t think we were meant to be so busy that we do nothing well. I think the devil is in the busy work. I really do. I also think the devil lives in the copy room at my church. But I digress... I think the devil uses busyness against us. Is it possible for our own selfish desires of looking busy or acting busy, or honestly being busy to get in the way of ministry? Absolutely.

Bitter

I’ve heard it say that we can choose to be bitter or better. I have been bitter. I think I’m over it. In fact, I know I am better now. I was bitter a few months ago. I can tell the difference now because I see other people’s bitterness about the things that were holding me then. I think bitterness gets us nowhere. Better gets us somewhere. We can do something with “better.” We can go nowhere with bitter. There are times when I think our bitterness really stems from our self worth and whether or not we are being validated. It’s rarely about the actual issue at hand, it’s usually rooted in some other issue. I think bitterness is only a chance for us to hold on to things we have no control over. It seeps down into the depths of who we are and it lives there, stews there, only to grow and take us over. Better assume that we are moving forward, striving towards healing, focusing on what might be something worthy of praise. How would our lives look differently if Jesus was bitter? Jesus was better. Even on the cross. He looked with eyes of love rather of revenge. Bitter suggests that something has hurt us so badly that we have nothing but anger and frustration towards it. In bitterness there is no room for forgiveness. When we are better, we can forgive, we can let go.

Let me be clear here for a moment. There are things that cause bitterness. I do think we need to deal with those “things” but we cannot allow the hurt, pain, anger to turn to bitterness. We have to find healthy ways for us to deal with the issue at hand and allow it to change us for better...not for bitter.

But

There are two different kinds of “buts.” There’s the kind that allows complacency, and there’s the kind that gives life.

Someone on twitter wrote “complacency is sweatpants.” I laughed...and then I kinda cried because in fact, I was wearing sweatpants. I am confident that there is a time and place for sweatpants in my week, but for the most part, it’s not quite acceptable for me to wear them. Not to work. Or church. Or on a date. I’m quickly learning that in order to get a date, I can’t wear sweatpants to the grocery store. So that’s out too.

While I do think that “complacency is sweatpants” I also think “complacency is but.” When we say “but” we justify our actions, our choices, our morals, and the acceptance of others.

Here’s a few complacency buts....

“I should go to the gym today BUT I think I’ll stay at home and clean my house.”

“I shouldn’t get takeout tonight BUT I don’t know how to cook.”

“I should wear a dress today BUT I’d rather wear sweatpants.”

“I should call up that friend BUT I don’t want to say I’m sorry”

“But” has a way of getting us out of a lot of things that bring life. Since when did we trade life for complacency? Since when did we decide that our time and efforts are justified by our temporary whims?

BUT...

I am thankful for the “buts” in the Bible, for the “therefores.” I’m thankful that the buts of the Bible remind us that yes, while we are still sinners, Christ died for us.

We are sinners BUT Christ died for us.

“For the wages of sin is death, BUT the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus.” Romans 6:23

It’s the “but” that gives us life. It reminds us that God has a bigger plan for us, even bigger than our own complacent hearts and choices. God is bigger than our sweatpants of complacency.

I love how God comes full circle with his redemption. I love that He uses things like complacency and our “buts” to show us that His BUT is bigger, that his love heals, that his grace is available and active.

Want for something more than “busy.”

Want for something more than “bitter.”

Want for something more than “but.”