AYhigh Girls Questions... Special Edition

I said I would take any questions you had, and I am honoring that. Tonight's post is a special edition. I will get back to finishing the girl questions you all asked, but here are a few questions that an anonymous emailer sent to me. Feel free to continue to send your questions. I am enjoying answering them. Many questions can't be answered in a few sentences, but I've tried my best to do an overview. As always, I encourage you to seek scripture for your view on a question. Consider my answers as footnotes, always research and seek scripture to form your opinion and truth. BUT.. as always, I'm here to encourage you, help answer you questions, and guide you to Christ.

How do you know when God has entered your heart?

Galatians 5 tells us that we know the spirit is within us when we exemplify the fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control). Also, when we acknowledge that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and choose to honor and obey Him, to truly worship him with our lives, then we know that ‘God is in our heart’ as you phrase it. I think you start to see how God has entered in to your life when you start making choices that worship Him, when you live out the fruit of the spirit, when you start to have a thirst to know God more.

What did Chasen mean when he said "Love like it costs you something" ?

Chase heard this from a pastor and shares it at his concerts. I interpret it to mean that we must love in ways that aren’t just self serving, to go out of our way to love others even if it means it costs us something. John 15:13 says that love is to lay down your life for others. There is sacrifice in love. Sometimes we have to be uncomfortable in order to bring comfort to others. Think about the people you love. You would probably say the phrase, “I would do anything for them because I love them.” That’s what it means to love like it cost something.

If you were God for a day what would you do? How would you help others?

Oh wow. Big questions. Well, I can say that I would probably find all the students/parents of students/friends who never believed in God, and stand in front of them to reveal that God is real. I think the hardest thing about life is praying, teaching, and spending time with students/parents/people who never trust God or believe that He exists. That is the most disheartening thing I see. As much as I want to teach people that Jesus rules, I can’t show them (outside of my own life and experience). I sometimes just want God to show up in a very visible way for others to see him and finally believe.

What is the most played song on your iPod/What is your favorite song?

“Anchor” by Satellites and Sirens takes the number one spot on my iTunes.

My favorite song is “New Day” by Robbie Seay Band. Check them out!

What do you want people to remember you for?

I want to be remembered for helping others get to know Jesus, for being a good friend, and for always holding on to hope. Someday I want to be remembered for being a good mom and wife. :)

Why to people get to focused on things and forget to think about others or God?

It’s a constant struggle- the one between living in the flesh and living in the spirit. See, we are made to worship God but things get in the way, like selfishness and laziness. We try to fill our lives with things that aren’t God. We are constantly thirsting for something more, and to be honest, only God can fill that need, since we were made in His image, for him. I think people get focused on other things because it’s what the world says they should do, what is “normal” and what “everyone else is doing.” At the end of the day we all have to ask, what did I do today that brought glory to God?

Do you view the word 'crap' as a swear?

Ohhh. This is a good one. Why do I feel like you may use my answer to prove your point with your parents? Well if we think of swear words as evil words or negative words then potentially any word can be a swear. I think any word can be used for evil, it’s the intent behind it that matters. I use the word crap, and probably too much.

How much of the Bible have you read? What parts would you recommend reading?

I’ve been reading the Bible since I was little. I’m sure I’ve read the whole thing. I admire people who can do the “read the Bible in a year plan.” I tried that but it became about finishing not learning and letting it soak in. I heard someone once say we “read the bible to change not to finish.” I would recommend reading the letters (Galatians, Ephesians, Phillippians, and Colosians). Those are a few of my favorite books.

What was the last thing you laughed about?

I love to laugh. It’s my favorite thing. I laughed to myself last night when I was on the treadmill at the gym. This guy on the treadmill next to me was watching Glee. He kept laughing out loud. Every time he would laugh, I did too. I’m not sure why.

AYhigh Girls Questions Part 2 (of 3)

Hey girlies! Here is part 2 of 3 in our Fishbowl Questions. Remember, these are questions you asked, and I'm answering them the best I can. Feel free to comment or ask follow up questions. If you missed part one, you can find it below.

What was your major in high school and what college did you go to?

Major in high school? I majored in dork. But in college, I majored in Youth Ministry/Adolescent Studies. Where? Judson College in Elgin, IL.

Why do guys have cooties???

This is the first question I plan on asking Jesus when I get to heaven. I’ve always wondered myself.

What are good traits in a guy? What standards should I set when looking for a boyfriend?

When a friend suggests a guy that I should date, and I say no, they always ask why not. Most of the time it’s because of their lack of a relationship with God or because I don’t feel they are very confident in themselves. I am someone who values my relationship with God and I really want that to be a strong trait in my mate. (that rhymed). I also want a guy who is confident in themselves (but not arrogant). I think your standards should be similar to the standards you have for yourself. In high school I made a list of the traits I wanted in a guy. Every guy had to measure up to my list. I never found the guy who made everything on my list. But... I had a revelation that perhaps I shouldn’t be focused on looking for a guy who fits my list, but being the type of girl who would fit someone else’s list. So, I have loyalty and spirituality on my list for a guy, I need to have that as a standard for myself. Instead of looking for a guy, I’m spending time working on my own spiritual life and creating loyalty, so that someday a guy will say “check” to his list.

How do I get a guy to notice me?

Be yourself. Love yourself. Be confident. That’s all you need.

What would you name a band if you were going to start one? (TUB doesn’t count)

Come See Our Show Tonight. CSOST for short. So when people say, ‘what’s your bands name’ you can say ‘Come See Our Show Tonight’ and then they get all frustrated and show up at venues all over thinking that your band is playing. No, that’s dumb. I don’t know. Wow. That’s a tough question. I’d probably start on one of those band generator websites.

I asked one of my guy friends to turnabout. I like him more now than I did when I asked him 2 months ago. I think he likes me back but I’m not sure. Should I wait for him longer? What should I do?

Hmm. Well, if he didn’t get the point that you liked him 2 months ago, he either has no clue about chicks and flirting, or he’s just not that into you. Wait, wasn’t that a movie? Yes, it was. A good one. Plus, as I always say, if he likes you, you’ll know. He’ll make it obvious, or he’s just too immature or shy to do anything about it.

Who was your first relationship? Describe him?

I liked a boy in 6th grade who lived around the corner from me. He was short, kinda dorky, and funny. We were friends and would ride our bikes around the neighborhood or go swimming in my pool. There was this one time when he farted in class and was totally embarrassed. Ahhh.. funny. Good times. I guess it was a “friend relationship” but that was the first boy I remember that liked me back.

What do you do if your guy friend is giving you mixed signals?

Mixed signals means mixed feelings. There may be times he is totally into you, and then other times when he’s not. So, find a guy who has distinctive signals one way or the other so you can worry about other things.

You know..I like this guy.. how do I let him know I like him without creepin’ him out?

I’m not sure what to do but I know what NOT to do. Here’s a few ways to creep out a guy: flirt with all of his friends, stand outside of his house and text him “i can see you,” stare at him at ALL TIMES, and most importantly, write on his facebook wall, send him a message, and update your relationship status with his name and “it’s complicated”... even if you have never met him.

Is it ok not to date in high school?

YES. It’s totally ok. It’s more than ok, in fact, it will probably help you stay focused on school, friends, and extracurriculars. Boys can equal drama. But, if you are going to date, be sure it’s with someone who is a friend, who can help you through life, and someone who will make you laugh!

If you could only watch one TV show for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Friends. I have all 10 seasons on DVD. Those episodes are like chocolate, minus the calories.

Stay tuned for part 3!

AYhigh Girls Questions Part 1

This past Sunday, all of our AYhigh girls had a “Fishbowl Conversations” night. The girls were allowed to ask any question ranging from silly to serious for our leaders. We didn’t get to all the questions, so I said I would post them on my blog this week. So, there are loads of questions, here are the first few...

Feel free to ask follow up questions or comment!

How do you cope with a break up? (which happened over text!)

Wow. Boys are dumb and clearly immature if they want to break up with you over a text. You are worth more than a text conversation! Anyway, how do you cope with a break up? Eat lots of chocolate and shop. Get a friend and go to coffee and talk it out. Laugh and wear your sweatpants. And then after a few hours of self pity, get up, put your jeans on and do your hair and move on. You are worth more than the time wasted crying over a boy. But it still hurts, so take a few minutes to cry it out... each chocolate, then move on.

How do I know how to dress appropriately?

What are you dressing for? I wouldn’t wear a dress to a soccer game, but I also wouldn’t wear cleats to church.. um..so anyway. Seriously, this is a great question. Obviously, wearing the correct size pants always helps. No one cares about the number so wear what fits. One of my biggest pet peeves is when bra straps show or when girls wear a bunch of spaghetti strap shirts. Ugh. Trashy, y’all. And let me just take a moment to say that it’s super trashy to put your cell phone in your bra when you don’t have a pocket. Get a purse.

What is one of the craziest experiences you’ve ever had?

I went to Germany when I was in high school as an exchange student. I went with a friend of mine to see the German National soccer team in Frankfurt. We took the train back only to get on the wrong train and go the opposite way of home. Whoops. That was an experience. I was young and didn’t really know German. It was a miracle I made it back to my host home.

Who is the last person you creeped out?

I totally creeped out a guy recently because I told him my age. He didn’t believe me that I was 31. Kinda creeped him out. He stopped talking to me after that. Is this what you mean by creeped out? I’m not sure.

What is your secret obsession?

Number 33. Tim Riggins. I love Friday Night Lights, but specifically Tim Riggins. I also have a secret obsession with knowing what kind of shoes lead singers wear. I always look at their shoes on stage. I’ve never told anyone that. I guess that’s a secret.

How far is too far with a guy? (asked 3 times!)

The front door. (That’s what Justin Lookadoo says). Anyway, this question was on 3 different cards, so clearly it’s one that we all want a clear cut answer to. The best answer I ever heard was from Lookadoo. He says, think of it like going out with your boyfriend on a date and then coming home and showing pictures and telling details of your date to your grandma. He says that at whatever point you get weird about telling your grandma what you did, that’s the line. So, if you’re cool with telling grandma you all made out in the back of the Jewel parking lot but not telling her exactly what you did, then you know your line. You know how far is too far. I also think of it in honor of my future husband. I know that some day I’m going to have to tell him what I did with every guy I dated. I want to honor him and save myself for my husband and also not be embarrassed about my past. Some may say, then don’t tell him.. but I’m all for honesty in relationships. Let me give you some bonus insight. If you are super cuddly or kissy in front of me, or your parents, or have pictures on facebook of you and your bf that is close then it tells me 2 things. 1. If you are comfortable being that close in front of people, then you are doing more behind the scenes and 2. you don’t have respect for yourself or for the others around you if your PDA is awkward and embarrassing to others. So. keep the PDA on the DL. So far on the DL that it’s mostly non-existent. You are more than giving yourself away to someone who may or may not be there in a month from now or three years from now. Lastly, know your line before you get into a situation where you don’t know what to do.

If you could dye your hair any crazy color what would it be?

Pink! Oh wait, I’ve done this. But I wish I could do it again.

How do you know you can really trust your good friends?

I think you can trust your friends if they’ve been proven trustworthy in the past. Obviously, secrets are like burdens that you are asking other people to carry, so be careful about what you share, even to your close friends. They may not be able to carry that burden and might slip and share your secret. But, I think God calls us to be good friends to others, so it starts there. Try really hard to be a great friend who is trustworthy, and you’ll find yourself surrounded by people who are the same to you!

What do you do if your ex is your neighbor and rubs his new girlfriend in your face?

Move. Just kidding. That most likely can’t happen. There are 2 possible things happening here. One it’s entirely possible that he’s not really rubbing his new girlfriend in your face, it’s just that maybe you aren’t completely over him and that it’s just really hurtful that he’s moved on. Ouch. Yuck. I hate when that happens. I hate when people move on and I’m still hurt. So, really know what it is. The other possible thing is that if he’s rubbing it in your face, why do you care? You can and should choose to move on and find new friends. I know it still hurts, but really ask yourself, why does it hurt? If it’s just annoying, go and ding-dong-ditch him. Just kidding.. don’t do that. Pray for him instead.

Is it worth it to try to have a relationship with a best friend? Or is it better just to stay friends?

Oh boy. Let me tell you about a time that this backfired. I told my best guy friend that I loved him. His response? “I love you I’m just not attracted to you.” Ouch. I learned the hard way that if a guy who is your so called best friend was really into you, then he’d ask you out. Honestly. If he was mature about it, he’d want for you all to be more than best friends. But... this is also a good time to talk about emotional boyfriends. Even though he’s not your boyfriend, he could still fill the role of an emotional boyfriend. Not only do you have to guard yourself physically, you also have to be careful to guard your heart too. Being too emotionally attached to a guy who you aren’t dating is dangerous. So, be careful to guard your heart and just stay friends, until he decides to ask you out. You could ask him, but then if he says no, it just gets awkward. But, if you are willing to risk the awkwardness, then ask him out!

That's all I have for now. I'll post more of your questions later!

Wise Words

Today’s Lent reading was from 1 Peter. I decided to read the whole book. Um... kicked my butt?! Yes. So, I thought I’d share it with you all. How do we live like this? Please share your thoughts.

The following is selective passages from 1 Peter chapters 2-4 from the Message Version.

“So clean house! Make a clean sweep of malice and pretense, envy and hurtful talk. You’ve had a taste of God.

For the untrusting it’s a stone to trip over, a boulder blocking the way. They trip and fall because they refuse to obey, just as predicted....

BUT YOU are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be holy people, God’s instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference He made for you--from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.

Friends, this world is not your home, so don’t make yourselves cozy in it. Don’t indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. Live an exemplary life among the natives so that your actions will refute their prejudices. Then they’ll be won over to God’s side and be there to join in on the celebration when He arrives.

Make the Master proud of you by being good citizens. Respect the authorities, whatever their level; they are God’s emissaries for keeping order. It is God’s will that by doing good, you might cure the ignorance of the fools who think you’re a danger to society. Exercise your freedom by serving God, not by breaking the rules. Treat everyone you meet with dignity. Love your spiritual family. Revere God. Respect the government.

You who are servants, be good servants to your masters--not just to good masters, but also to bad ones. What counts is that you put up with it for God’s sake when you’re treated badly for no good reason. There’s no particular virtue in accepting punishment that you well deserve. But if you’re treated badly for good behavior and continue in spite of it to be a good servant, that is what counts to God. This is the kind of life you’ve been invited into, the kind of life Christ lived. He suffered everything that came His way so that you would know that it could be done, and also know how to do it step-by-step.

Summing it up: be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless---that’s your job, to bless. You’ll be a blessing and also get a blessing.

Whoever wants to embrace life and see the day fill up with good,

Here’s what you do:

-Say nothing evil or hurtful

-Snub evil and cultivate good

-Run after peace for all you’re worth

God looks on all this with approval, listening and responding well to what He’s asked, but he turns his back on those who do evil things.

If with your heart and soul you’re doing good, do you think you can be stopped? Even if you suffer for it, you’re still better off. Don’t give the opposition a second thought. Through think and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master.

Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick. They’ll end up realizing that they’re the ones who need a bath.

Since Jesus went through everything you’re going through and more, learn to think like Him.

So if you find life difficult because you’re doing what God said, take it in stride. Trust Him. He knows what He’s doing, and he’ll keep on doing it.”

"She sings..World, I've Overcome You."

This has not been my week. There’s been things that have frustrated me and situations that have laid heavy on my heart. There’s been a lot of wondering “what is right? what is true? What is worthy?”

Mostly, when I’m in a bad mood, ice cream and sweatpants will do the trick. But this week it was a John Mark McMillan concert. By myself. Solo in Chicago. It’s amazing what some perspective will do to change an attitude. Yet another reason why I’ll never give up concerts for Lent.

I secretly like going to concerts by myself from time to time. Tonight was one of those nights. I could take in all that was around me, get annoyed by the girls who slipped in last minute to jump right in front of me and talk the whole time. (Remind me to write that concert etiquette book). It was obvious who was there just to hear “How He Loves” and who was a true John MM fan. It was only slightly annoying and I chalked up my annoyance to all the drama and stupidity of this week. But then John made a comment as he began “How He Loves” that totally put it all in perspective. He played a few chords to prompt all the fans to start recording and said... “Aren’t you guys sick of this song?” The crowd responded “NO!: (that’s why we paid $12 to come--I was thinking). “Well if you aren’t sick of it (long pause) then I’m not either, but this song is 10 years old. Anyway, here we go.” and the he started the song.

I’ve always said “How He Loves” isn’t his best song on the album, but I do believe the song’s message is a strong one. Most of the songs sing of deep lyrics of movement, of not just standing still but of overcoming this world to get to God. “How He Loves” is simply a reminder. One of movement from a recognition of the fact that God loves us, to a movement of really believing, and then ending with a proclamation in truth of the love. While I don’t know if this is the real focus of the building of this song and repetition, that’s how I interpret it.

Overall the show was great. The theme of “overcome” showed up in many of his songs, including a new song called “We Have Seen A Darkness.” The fight between light and dark in the spiritual world is nothing new, but I loved his connection of hope coming alive after despair. (It’s on YouTube, check it out).

John stopped near the end of the show to tell about an opportunity to help raise $18,000 for a well in Africa. He stuttered and looked nervous the whole time, as if he is shy and hides behind the song. He said many times that he gave his life to the song, and was sorry to speak, but he wanted our money. Guilt money or not, to save children in Africa. It wasn’t rehearsed, it wasn’t overly obvious, what was truth was that he deeply cared for helping others and doing something about it. Usually I get annoyed by the 5 minute break to tell us about who sponsors the tour, but this was different. I respect John and his plea to bring clean water, to bring life, to an African town.

My favorite JMM song is “Ten Thousand.” I was close enough to see the set list and noticed it wasn’t on there. In typical fashion, a song suggestion was yelled across the small room in the midst of the quiet, awkward “let’s change out guitars and tune them time.” (Yelling out a song request is so not appropriate concert etiquette). But John approved the request and promised to maybe, possibly but possibly not play the song. My song. “Ten Thousand.”

And so John ended with this beautiful song of hope, a song of movement, an anthem for how we should move forward in the midst of this world. And it was beautiful. He turned the mic to us and together we finished out the song: “We sing, world, I’ve overcome you.”

This week, as I deal with the drama of this world, I’ve been reminded that I’m not made for this world, that I’ll overcome it and conquer it. I just need to not let it get me.

When John was talking about the unfair life of children in Africa, he said...

“We were all created--there are things inside of us know when something isn’t right. We can argue about the details but we know at the end of the day what isn’t right.”

He went on to say:

We have three options when we are faced with things that aren’t right:

1. We can laugh and be cynical.
2. We can weep at the destruction and stay in depression
3. Or we can do something about it.

“Feeling bad doesn’t make you do good. You gotta do good because you feel empowered, because you see a purpose, because you see something better than you that you want to be like because you love it. You have the power to be a part of it, to make something better. And so you do good.”

Ahhh... so in the midst of this week, I was happy to hear some perspective. To be reminded that I can choose to be cynical, or choose to weep, but really I should seek to do something about injustice, whether to myself or to others.

All of my dramatic tragedies this week aren’t big. Honestly. They are tiny white girl middle class tragedies. And while I own them and mourn them, I must do something about them. And not just do something, but also have some perspective. There are others with bigger tragedies, bigger issues of reality in the worlds of people around me that I should be focused on.

Let us put on love this week... get outside of our own little tragedies and start helping those around us. Let’s start figuring out how to really do something that helps another person “overcome their world.”