A Half Full Heart

I did something yesterday. I listened to KLove radio.

I’m not a fan of their “always so happy” attitude-it’s a bit much for me. So, I typically listen to cds or Shine.fm or WBGL. Anyway... none of this is relevant, except for the fact that something was said on KLove that I appreciate (and that I was so super tired from camp that my radio was tuned to it).

Matthew West (singer/songwriter) was being interviewed on the radio about his meeting with the Rev. Billy Graham. They had a great conversation, and Matthew thanked him for showing him Jesus at the age of 12.

The deejays joked about how Matthew was sure to write an amazing song after meeting with the great Rev. Graham. Matthew replied “You know, typically I turn to writing when my heart is full or my heart is empty... and yes, my heart was full after meeting him today.”

This resonated with me. I asked myself the question- Is my heart full or empty when I write? Is my heart full or empty when it comes to things that move me to action? Is my heart full or empty when I go to prayer?

I think we typically turn to God when our heart is full or our heart is empty. It’s this idea that we are so thankful that it leads us to prayer or we are so in need that we turn to prayer in plea. But do we turn to God when our hearts are just half full?

What happens when we have a half full heart? What if we’re neither full or empty in our love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness? Our faithfulness and self-control is a direct response to how we deal with these other “fruits” in our lives... but does it matter if our heart is full, empty, or just simply.. in the middle?

This is where my brain was yesterday. I don’t have any answers to this one, at least not yet. But I have plenty of questions.

What do you think? How are you led to move, to action, to prayer? A full heart, empty heart, or in the middle? Of course, it ebbs and flows and that’s the beauty of life.. of knowing great joy and knowing great sorrow, so that we help others in those times. But how do we move to action? Is it mostly by a full heart or an empty heart?

Scripture tells us to guard our heart, for it’s the wellspring of life. What does this look like? How do we do it? I am not sure.

But what I do know for sure is that this week I’m about to experience a full heart. I know it. I know that God uses the ordinary people in extraordinary ways. I’m hoping that this week it’s not about me, but His spirit within me. I’m speaking at Lake Geneva Youth Camp for our jr. high girls week! Pray for me to speak the words that God would want the girls to hear, the promises of his love, and the privilege and responsibility we have as daughters of the King.

Some girls may come with full hearts... some with empty hearts. Some half full. Pray that God may soften their hearts and fill it... letting it overflow into the lives of those around them.

“Clear eyes. Full heart. Can’t lose.” -Friday Night Lights.

Summer Camp.

Zero bars. Diet Cherry Coke. Skittles.

Smashing Pumpkins. Plumb. Fleming and John.

Trees. Bibles. Diving Board competitions. Campfires.

Cute boys. Scrunches. The Order of the Fork. Rock,Paper, Scissor People.

The last few weeks have reminded me of summer camp. And not just any summer camp, but those amazing years I spent at Camp Kirkwood in Ohio as a teen. In true Harry Potter style, a Diet Cherry Coke was my “portkey” back to camp. As soon as I opened the Coke, it took me to the lodge during free time with my friends after we had spent several dollars at the canteen. I hadn’t thought about camp in such a long time, and it was a sweet memory. It actually made me smile...and if I’m being honest, I shed a few tears.

I’ve been thinking of people I miss, friends that I had, and the few “besties” that promised to never stop talking. There were the tattoos we’d promised to get, and my friend Robyn actually did. She’s so awesome and I was nervous she’d make me own up to my promise too. But she didn’t.

I remember sneaking out of Cabin Lydia- pushing the screen out of the window and running through the mud to meet our friends (uh..guys) out under the trees with the moonlight shining through. I remember carrying my flashlight through the trail to the campfire. I remember Jonathan and Bryan, my two camp crushes, and my favorite counselors Julie and Wil. I remember the summer I spent working at camp and the scar that still remains from that stupid saran wrap box.

Those were the days where we had to hand write letters to our camp friends who lived miles apart in different towns. There were no cell phones, no instant message, no texting. Each year we would gather back together and the celebration was sweet and sometimes unnerving as we wondered if those friends would remember each other.

It was at that camp that I learned to trust God, to really see Him and experience Him. It holds a special place in my heart as the foundation of my faith story.

And I guess that’s one of the reasons why I’m in youth ministry. I hope to provide experiences like this for our students. I want them to experience God in these places. To experience fun and friends, and make plans for getting “bestie” tattoos. (ok, maybe not the tattoos). I want them to sit around the campfire and “see” God, to take it all in, and be able to look back when they are 31 and smile, thank God, and maybe shed a tear or two.

To all my camp people, I miss you and 1994-1998.