"Who am I?" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Who am I? They often tell me I stepped from my cell’s confinement Calmly, cheerfully, firmly, Like a squire from his country-house. Who am I? They often tell me I used to speak to my warders Freely and friendly and clearly, As though it were mine to command. Who am I? They also tell me I bore the days of misfortune Equally, smilingly, proudly, Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of? Or am I only what I myself know of myself? Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage, Struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat, Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds, Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness, Tossing in expectation of great events, Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance, Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making, Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all? Who am I? This or the other? Am I one person today and tomorrow another? Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others, And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling? Or is something within me still like a beaten army, Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved? Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine. Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine!

Top Things in the off hours....

Top 10’s from the past few weeks:

On being a goober, making a better story, and gaining perspective.

Country Music Marathon:

1. I completed my first half marathon.
2. I completed my last half marathon.
3. I met TobyMac on mile 4. (and I was a giant goober)
4. Heather ran with me the whole time. She’s an encourager!!
5. I met Melissa from Biggest Loser on mile 9ish and then ran faster than her.
6. I won a metal. (Everyone got one, but I’m still a winner)
7. I woke up at 4:30am to run 13.1 miles. I’m crazy.
8. The course that we ran is now under a couple feet of water from the Nashville flood. :(
9. “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus playing through the speakers as we started running. HORRIBLE! But then “tonight’s going to be a good night” following it and redeeming the run.
10. We beat the rain, tornados, and thunderstorms!

Dove Awards/Nashville:

1. I wore a pretty dress that I didn’t want to change out of at the end of the night.
2. I never wear dresses which makes #1 really unbelievable...but true!
3. Brittany and I sat 4 rows behind David Crowder. Yes, we could see over his head.
4. I’m now considered a “professional fan.”
5. Brit and I scored an All-Access pass to the Doves.
6. We had better seats than the radio station manager. WIN.
7. Late night adventure involving a note and a band van.
8. $10,000 gas explosion.
9. Ben Rector plus car ride.
10. Making new friends!

Agape Fest

1. Serving french press coffee to people who needed encouraged.
2. Playing “Name that mystery gum flavor.”
3. Meeting new people: Bethany, Brian, Kyle, Ben, Lisa, Nathan, and Agape volunteers!
4. One word:P90X.
5. Sanctus Real’s “Redeemer”- great song
6. Being a fan girl in front of Fatty and being a ‘professional fan’ in front everyone else.
7. Xanadu making fun of his own band. Stinkin’ hilarious.
8. Soli from Family Force 5 giving me props about fondue.
9. “Happy bands make happy fans.”
10. The Skillet bus + sharpies + things that fit into ziplock bags = Ultimate Youth Pastor