Bruised.

I feel like my faith has been bruised today. It’s tender to the touch. And it’s like one of those bruises that you keep touching just to see if it still hurts. And today... ouch.

 

I’m starting to lose faith about relationships. The singleness that is enveloping my life I used to embrace, but now I’m finding it harder to do. I am starting to get frustrated and to be honest, I’m a little angry at God. It seems like in all other area of my life, God is blessing it, or sustaining it, or showing me that perhaps I’m worthing to be doing what I am doing. In so many areas I am seeing how God is moving, how He’s in charge, and how He’s growing and developing it.

 But in this one area:  NOTHING. nadda. zilch. bruise. ouch. pain.

The one area that I feel the least confident is the area in which I haven’t seen or received His blessing in. Perhaps the blessing is in zilch. It’s in the nothingness. It’s in the “thank goodness I didn’t have to go through that.” I saw a clip of a bunch of army widows that have bonded together and how they are moving on and still having fun in life without a husband. And I thought to myself, would it be better to have love and lose it or not to have love at all? That is the age old question, and I’m not sure how to answer it. In so many areas of my life, I have the false sense of control....all areas except this one. I have done well for the past 10 years to play the strong one, to thank God that I haven’t had to go through breakups and heartaches, but I keep thinking, really? Why has it been a whole lot of nothing? And we are talking NOTHING. 

It’s hard to have faith in a certain area that you haven’t seen anything move in. It’s hard to believe I’m worthy of a pursuit when it seems like no one is doing the pursuing.  It’s hard to keep going and going and continuing to put pressure on the bruise, hoping that today it won’t hurt, that the color will recede and that it will eventually fade. But how did the bruise get there in the first place? What caused the bruise? Is it self inflicted, or did someone else do it? Right now, I feel like God bruised me. And it hurts. 

Potential Facebook Status for Friday, March 20th:

And here are the potential status updates that will be going through my head today: 

Amber is...

1. prepping for the Article One/Julian Drive show today.

2. anxiously awaiting the arrival of the bands.

3. freaking out slightly.

4. isn't freaking out at all, this is going to be cake.

5. wonders if they will sing the requested song.

6. is listening to Anathallo hoping that it will put me in a calm, and odd mood.

7. wondering how many people will come tonight.

8. shouldn't think this is a big deal at all. it's JUST a concert.

9. is twitter stalking John Mayer and Donald Miller.

10. is thankful that a friend is getting better.

11. is still laughing at last night's random Dr. Mario party.

12. didn't realize that guys talk about girls as much as they do. 

13. is glad I didn't walk in on anyone making out. WHAT?!

14. got a decent night's sleep last night.

15. loves my MacBook.

16. heard "new day" on the radio this morning and BLASTED it out the windows.

17. already messed up my new paint job. 

18. hmmmm... he's hot. 

19. is hoping to be serenaded again today.

20. is hoping that the powers that be are blown away tonight by the speakers.

21. is looking forward to seeing students rock out tonight.

22. is loving the calm before the storm.

23. is too legit to quit.

24. it's FRIDAY, I'm in LOVE.

the end. 

How to build a great fire: Keep the fire burning for Christ

This past week our youth team took a short retreat. We were happy to see a fireplace, and before we had completely unpacked, Adrienne stood with match in hand. I sat on the couch to watch this potential trainwreck, but Adrienne is a beast at making and maintaining fires. The only problem... she kept having to add more wood. Through some 10 hours, the fire burned through a ridiculous amount of wood. 

“When wood is really dry, it burns out quickly.” 

And my mind immediately goes to a sermon illustration. 

I’ll let you think through this one. I looked up some facts about how to properly build a great fire that lasts.  

In order to build a great fire: 

1. You need seasoned wood. For an effective, long lasting burn, use seasoned wood. (Continue to learn and grow in your walk with Christ).
2. With dry wood, you have to feed the fire more often. (You have to refuel, get away, and reconnect with Christ often, don’t let your walk dry out)
3. The moisture content of the wood determines how much heat the fire puts out. (let God’s Word soak in).
4. Non seasoned wood is hard to light. (Stay close to God, the further you get from Him, the harder to reconnect with Him)
5. Non seasoned wood won’t put out heat. (In order to grow others towards Christ, you need to continue to grow in Christ).
6. Open the flue, and that will keep the smoke out. (Be sure to share your walk with others, don’t keep it to yourself).

If I spent some more time on this, I could flesh it out in more detail. But I'm moving on to other writing adventures. Please feel free to keep the sermonizing going....

The end.