Times

Wow, it's been awhile since I posted and I'm sorry for that. I haven't had anything worthy of writing about so I've stayed silent.

Today I heard a song that reminded me of God's love. I wanted to share it with you all. I hope it's a reminder that God's love never ends.

Here's a portion of the lyrics. Be sure to check out Tenth Avenue North... you can also find a cover done by two of our AYhigh students on my Facebook wall.

Times by Tenth Avenue North

I know I need You
I need to love You
I love to see You, but its been so long
I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
and I need to hear You
is that so wrong?

I hear You say...

My love is over, its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend

well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between

The times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm

my love I will keep you by my power alone
I dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
I'll never forsake you

my love never ends, it never ends

A Million Canaries

Luke 12:6 (The Message)
"What's the price of two or three pet canaries? Some loose change, right? But God never overlooks a single one. And he pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail—even numbering the hairs on your head! So don't be intimidated by all this bully talk. You're worth more than a million canaries.

You’re worth in the eyes of God: more than a million canaries.

It seems vast and unending when you think of a million. It makes me feel that the worth is large. The NIV version of Luke 12:6 says that we are worth more than many sparrows. But really, what is “many”? More than some, less than all? I am not aware... but then again why am I trying to measure the worth?

The point exists that we are worth “alot” in the eyes of Christ. So much so that he knows the number of hairs on our head. In a typical day, I lose hair while I’m blowdrying/straightening it... or from stress. It seems God is intimate and paying attention. God even knows how many hairs are actually grey and not artificially colored.

I was thinking about worth the other day and wrote down a thought...

Our worth is defined by our response to God’s love for us.

When we realize the worth that we are in the eyes of God, we’re able to live from that, to really give back in worship to Him with our lives the way He intended. Our worth is not determined by the temporary worldly things... yet we let it, don’t we?

Our worth should not be determined by what others think of us or by the attention we want or by whether or not we get a call or an email, or recognition. It shouldn’t be determined by the hurtful words of others, by our successes or our failures.

We get disappointed, wallow in self pity, become bitter, and angry when we put our worth in something other than God. When we wallow in self pity it’s because we’ve put our worth in something other than God’s love.

Honestly. If you think about it, every time you’ve had some self pity, it’s because you weren’t counted worthy for whatever upsets you. While there are very obvious offenses and hurt in our lives, and I’m not discounting those feelings, but I wonder at what level do we let those things determine our worth?

In the past few months I’ve been forced to see worth in a new way. Experiences, conversations, and people have put a new perspective in my life. It’s an ongoing process to finding worth in the eyes of the One who matters. Everyday my canary worth is more and more recognized. There is nothing we can do to make us more worthy or less worthy. That’s the beauty of grace. We’re ALWAYS worth more than a million canaries. But it’s a recognition of that worth that helps us know God’s love and grace more and more. It’s in the tough time that we think we can count how many canaries we’re worth yet it’s important that we remember that it’s more than we can count.

We are worth more than a million canaries... do we live this way? Or do we seek worth in our worldly things only to come up short when we put our heads on our pillows at the end of the day?

Our worth is defined by God. THE END. How would our lives be different if we lived this way? What passions and pursuits would shift if we sought after things that were more than define us and our worth?

How would we treat others differently knowing that God counts them worthy too?

How do we love others better? We see them as people who were chosen and created by God. We are no different than our neighbor and if we were to really see that, then things would be much different. If we were just able to see people as God sees them, then we would know they are worthy of love simply because God counts them worthy.

Would we let go of things we really don’t need, get rid of hatred, bitterness, chips on our shoulders because we realized worth comes not from other people, not from things of the land, but from the love of the Lord?

But what do we do? We don’t sit on an island all by ourselves and simply soak in the worth of the Lord’s love. We create worship to our God and live within our worth when we are in community. When we know who defines us and our worth then we can really love, live, and create.

Where’s the balance between doing and being? How do we “do life” yet still live in the “being made worthy by God’s love alone?”

I think it matters at the end of the day when we lay our heads on our pillows, it’s that short few minutes before we start dreaming that is the most alone we will feel, whether we’re in the arms of someone or not. It’s because there is silence. and for a moment we are able to hear God and he says “What was today like? How did you live today knowing your worth comes from Me? Do you know you’re worth more than a million canaries to Me?”

So today I need to count the canaries. And later I’ll try to remember that others are worth more than a million canaries too.

But right now, I’m counting.

Job 28:13
No mortal comprehends its worth; it cannot be found in the land of the living.

Jonah 2:8
Those who cling to worthless idols turn away from God’s love for them.

Hebrews 11:1
The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.

Colossians 1:10
So that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way.

Who I am because of who He is.

I was driving home from church tonight thinking of this writing that I had from awhile back.

Sometimes we forget that we are children of God.

There He sits, in the morning with the newspaper and coffee. “Bye, Father!” I say, as I hurry out the door.

“Return to me, daughter” He whispers out to me from behind the paper.

I go through my day not thinking about Him, but knowing who I am because of who He is. Deadlines, weary conversations, life, busyness, failure, success, fear, the mundane, the unique....all things that pile on to my day. It turns to dark and I head back home. Walking in the door, I see Him sitting on the couch reading a good book. I put down my bag, take off my coat and shoes, and run to the couch and lay my head against my Father’s chest. We say nothing, but I let Him hold me. Moments pass, he turns a page, and I begin to rest.

And when I return to Him, all else fades.... deadlines, failure, success, fear, and life...

Some days I need Him to say nothing, to just let me lean against his chest.

Some days I need to curl up on His lap and bury my head.

Some days I need Him to put down his book and smile at me.

Some days He meets me at the door, takes my belongings and hugs me.

Some days He finds me unable to get out my car. He peeks out the window looking for me.

Some days I ignore Him, go into my bedroom, slam the door and crank the music.

I know who I am because of who He is.

He is our Father.

And we are His children.

Eastern Hymn

The new David Crowder*Band album came out today. What a great cd that tells of the journey of love. Our love for God and His love for us.

Here's a few lines from "Eastern Hymn."

Bring us love

You, who are love

Bring us peace

You, who are peace

We need love

Oh, divine love

I am recommending you pick up the cd today. Or download it on itunes. You won't be sorry. You'll feel loved....and want to love back.

Something Beautiful Summer

The other day I heard God.(which is very refreshing, because I haven’t heard Him in awhile).

He said, “I’ll do what it takes to get you back to the core of Me. Can’t you see, I’ve taken you to the mountaintops, to each side of the ocean, and to the open fields, what more do you need to see Me, to hear Me?”

And it was then that I realized what God had orchestrated all along. He has control, He has me in His arms, holding on tight. I needed to hear him, to see him.

If I don’t have eyes that are open, and ears trying to listen, I’d never find Him.

He’ll use what we give Him, in the space that we give Him and more. Whether it be a small space, he’ll blow the doors open, if it’s large, He’ll fill it.

I never expected this kind of summer to happen. Here I am at the end of it, with one trip left to go. It’s going to be something beautiful, just like all my other trips. In my next blog, I’ll hopefully be able to pay tribute to all the trips and what I’ve learned about God, myself, and life in general. I wrote alot in Colorado, and I hope to start sharing that on my blog. But it’s not quite ready.

There’s a new Needtobreathe song that was just released. It sums up this summer for me. Searching for God a.k.a. Something Beautiful. Download the song. The lyrics are great, but the song itself is a masterpiece.

Something Beautiful

In Your ocean i’m ankle deep

i feel the waves crashing on my feet

it’s like I know where i need to be

but I can’t figure out, I can’t figure out

just how much air i will need to breathe

when Your tide washes over me

there’s only one way to figure out

will you let me drown?

will you let me drown?

hey now this is my desire, consume me like a fire

cause i just want Something Beautiful to touch me

i know that i’m in reach

cause i am down on my knees

waiting for something beautiful

something beautiful

and the water is rising quick

and for years i was scared of it

we can’t be sure when it will subside

so i won’t leave Your side

no i can’t leave Your side

hey now this is my desire, consume me like a fire

cause i just want Something Beautiful to touch me

i know that i’m in reach

cause i am down on my knees

waiting for something beautiful

something beautiful

in a daydream i couldn’t live like this

i wouldn’t stop til i found

Something Beautiful

when i wake up

all I have is still not all i need

something beautiful

hey now this is my desire, consume me like a fire

cause i just want Something Beautiful to touch me

i know that i’m in reach

cause i am down on my knees

waiting for something beautiful

something beautiful

We are Sinking

New Crowder Song.

Amazing.

"How He Loves"

He is jealous for me

loves like a hurricane

i am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy

when all of a sudden i am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

and i realized just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me

and oh how He loves us

oh how He loves us

how He loves us

and we are His portion and He is our prize

drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes

if His grace is an ocean we're all sinking

and heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss

and my heart turns violently inside of my chest

i don't have time to maintain these regrets when i think about the way...

oh how He loves us

how He loves us oh

Play it like a prayer

WARNING: this blog is random, unedited, and barely understandable. 

I’ve been rather distracted the last few days. There’s been less working and more unfocused attention on nothingness. 

I’m not sure if it’s just because it’s summer, or that things are changing, or if life has got me in a funk... perhaps its all of the above. 

I’ve committed to not blogging anything that I’m not willing to say to a friend face to face. I think its much easier to say that nothing is wrong, or decline when others ask what’s going on. 

I don’t freely give out information that is close to my heart. Most people have to pry it out of me and I am lucky to have a few people in my life who sit across from me and can get me to talk. 

Why is it that information close to our hearts is not free? To share, it comes at a cost. When I give out information, I feel like a piece of me is missing, and I generally like to keep myself in one piece.

And lately, I haven’t been able to give any piece of my heart to God. 

Is this what they call the dark night of the soul? 

****why am I so dramatic in this blog?*****

ANYWAY (remember, I’m constantly distracted and have temporary ADD)

But now I sit across from God, and nothing. Nothing comes out. I sit with my hands crossed. He’s staring at me,and I give nothing. And it’s not like I’m holding back, it’s just that when I try to say something, nothing comes out. NOTHING. 

So music has become my voice...and my prayers. And for a few moments I start to think that perhaps music has become an idol, or it’s own religion, and that I’m cheating on God. But then I realize that music is my voice, and when I find a song that represents what I’m thinking, feeling, or needing, I play it like a prayer. 

I suggest you buy Lanae Hale’s new cd. It’s amazing. It will grow on you, and you’ll never want to stop listening. True story. She gave away her CD for free and I wish now that I could somehow pay for it, because it’s that amazing. 

Anyway, here’s a song from her cd that captivates me and is my prayer today. 

Quiet Place  by Lanae Hale

Silent war is declared vision fails

When the soul's impaired

Noises numb the mind and

Love grows cold with time

If nothing fills the empty hole

That every human heart knows

I will wait for you

Till fire burns, earthquakes, and waves are few

Cause silence, is where you like to stay

So here I am, I'm waiting for you

In this quiet place

Running hard to ignore

The lonely places you've been before

But you feel time is slipping

And there's still so much you're missing

And to heal means tears must show

But you're not weak to just let go

I will wait for you

Till fire burns, earthquakes, and waves are few

Cause silence, is where you like to stay

So here I am, I'm waiting for you

In this quiet place

I believe

I'm in need

So dear sweet savior

Come rescue me

From this quiet place

Lent: Return to Me

There He sits in the morning with the newspaper and coffee. “Bye, Father!” I say, as I hurry out the door. “Return to me, daughter” He whispers out to me from behind the paper. 

I go through my day not thinking about Him, but knowing who I am because of who He is. Deadlines, weary conversations, life, busyness, failure, success, fear, the mundane, the unique....all things that pile on to my day. It turns to dark and I head back home. Walking in the door, I see Him sitting on the couch reading a good book. I put down my bag, take off my coat and shoes, and run to the couch and lay my head against my Father’s chest. We say nothing, but I let Him hold me. Moments pass, He turns a page, and I begin to rest.

And when I return to Him, all else fades.... deadlines, failure, success, fear, and life...

Some days I need Him to say nothing, to just let me lean against His chest. 

Some days I need to curl up on His lap and bury my head.

Some days I need Him to put down His book and smile at me.

Some days He meets me at the door, takes my belongings and hugs me.

Some days He finds me unable to get out my car. He peeks out the window looking for me.

Some days I ignore Him, go into my bedroom, slam the door and crank the music. 

But most days, and hopefully for the next 46 days, I can sit on the couch and find words for a most gracious conversation. And hopefully He’ll say, “You returned to me.”

Lent. 

Lyrical Crush

I'm still working on the relationship blog, stay tuned....

Yet again, I find myself connecting to Robbie Seay's lyrics. 

This one falls under the "Sabbath" part of my world. 

Breathing Air Again

Take the time to start anew

Maybe it's in front of you

Take the time to walk down your street 

And heaven knows who you might meet

Take the time to be okay

And laugh a bit along the way 

You could take me for a ride, 

We could just drive all day

And we could breathe again

Step outside our front door

And gaze upon the stars

And know we're not alone

So run into the fields

Scream louder than you can

It's good to be alive

And breathing air again

Take the time to stop and stare 

Heaven's beauty everywhere

Take the time to think about 

Someone else besides yourself 

Take the time to be okay

And laugh a bit along the way

You could take me for a ride

We could just drive all day

Jesus at Caribou Coffee

Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world.
Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in His sight.

I think Jesus loves the down syndrome kids best.
And I think the down syndrome kids know Jesus best.
They are always smiling. I think they have the real inside scoop on God’s love.
It’s like they know something that we don’t.
It’s like God has whispered something in their ears that only they know.

Because every time I see one, I see Jesus.

They steal my heart for sure.

Christmas "Letter" Blog Edition (#3) Last one!

I've got to sum up the rest of my themes in this one blog. This won't be as long or as detailed as the others. My mind is spilled out on the floor, and I haven't picked up all the pieces today.

The final themes: freedom, simplicity, and God's love.
I've seen God's love in new ways this year. With it comes freedom and simplicity. But it also wrecks my world. I'm still trying to figure it out.
I will say that God and I are closer than ever before. It seems "Christiany" to say that, but it's the truth. We're tight. The best way to describe it is that I'm starting to be ok with whatever God has in store for me, as long as I'm in His love.

It's a scary AND liberating thing.

I'm trying to say yes to this Francis Chan quote...
"Are you willing to say to God that He can have whatever He wants?
Do you believe wholehearted commitment to Him is more important than any other thing or person in your life?
Do you know that nothing you do in this life will ever matter, unless it is about loving God and loving the people He has made?"

That about sums it up.

~You are mine.

Perhaps I'll pick up those mental pieces and be more clear later.
This blog is messy. And I don't like it. This would be what you would read in my journal. Unedited and crappy writing.
Enjoy. :)